Mindfulness through R.A.I.N. Part 2
Written by Rebecca Krawiec
Investigate:
During this phase, be curious about your experience. It is important to attempt to understand what it is like from your experience to feel these emotions.
What is MY experience of this emotion? How does this emotion feel for me?
Is this my own emotions, or does this emotion belong to someone else?
What kinds of physical sensations accompany this emotion?
What thoughts do I have when I experience this emotion? Are they blaming thoughts, minimizing thoughts, catastrophizing or mean thoughts?
What do I feel like doing when I have this emotion? Do I want to hide, attack, become closed off when I feel this way?
Nurture:
Nurture yourself, and your pain, with a loving or compassionate presence.
For the “nurture” part of R.A.I.N, we must first finish all of the previous steps. In doing this, we have made sense of our hurt and heartache and thus, start to discover what needs are not being met. You can start by self-validating by explaining how much sense it makes to feel this way, then call upon your deepest sense of compassion and apply it to yourself. Remember in this Nurture phase you should speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone that you love. In this moment, be your own best friend.
Tara Brach recommends to ask yourself the following questions:
Does this unmet need want a message of something specific? This can include reassurance, forgiveness, companionship, or love.
What am I longing for right now? What do I need right now? and how can I take care of myself in this moment?
If you’re unsure, that is okay. You can understand what you need by experimenting with which intentional gesture of kindness is most comforting to you. Tara Brach suggested whispering or saying to yourself “I’m here with you” or “I’m sorry, and I love you”, “I love you, I’m listening and I am always here for you” or “I am sorry this happened, It’s not your fault” can help you discover which message you need to hear and what need desires like to be met.
Tara Brach is a big advocate for using a physical gesture. For example, putting your hand over your heart helps emphasize the nurture phase. Other physical gestures include hugging oneself, or envisioning being embraced by a warm radiant light, or loving being such as a spiritual figure, family member, or pet. Imagine that being’s love flowing to you.
References:
https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#exercises
https://www.tarabrach.com/R.A.I.N/